15 Confessions

Today, I've decided to write about 15 things you may or may not know about me :)

1. Most of you know that I'm a singer and that I love to sing, but what you may not know is that I can sing soprano, alto, and tenor and WISH I could sing bass! It sounds silly coming from a girl, but I really wish I was so good at singing that I could sing ANY part. My dream is to be able to sing every note on the piano because I think it would be cool and convient to have such a high range.

2. I come across as someone who doesn't care what anyone thinks and I go with my own flow. This is partially true since I like to do things that make me happy, but the real truth is, I CONSTANTLY worry about what people think of me ALL the time! I often question if people think I'm too weird or wonder if the decisions I make are the right and normal ones. I don't want people to think less of me by what I choose. These worries have gotten me into trouble A LOT so then it makes me worry even more!

3. While I've been in relationships or liked someone, I've been good at acting cool if someone I like likes somebody else or the person I'm in a relationship with mentions something about their ex from the past. I, for the most part, understand it was in the past and that the person likes ME now and not the other girl. But I still die inside when I hear these stories. I feel EXTREMELY jealous. No, I don't lash out and make a scene. Most of the time, people have NO IDEA I feel extremely jealous at that moment because I try very hard to keep my cool.

4. Sometimes, my husband and Travis and I fight. I know some of you are thinking, "Well everyone fights" and I know that. I've witnessed it with other couples in my life many times, but I still don't like it. The only reason I don't like it so much is because I hear about other couples who don't fight and it makes me feel like I'm screwing up. I know that nobody's perfect, but I wish fighting wasn't an issue I had because I love Travis a lot and I know he loves me too, so I feel kinda dumb after I fight because he's the person I care about the most and I'd rather lose other people than lose him.

5. I strive to be happy. Being miserable makes me not want to continue with life and I know that I shouldn't feel that way ever. So I try to stay positive about everything. Now, I'm not saying I'm always positive and perfect all the time because I actually complain a lot and there's things that make me ANGRY, so I automatically don't control my negative feelings. But I do try to avoid situations that make me feel that way because I want to live a happy life and be seen as a good example.

6. I'm proud of my LDS faith and I want to do my best to live its teachings because I know they're true and I want to return to my Heavenly Father who I believe in very strongly, but because I try to be faithful, I'm often seen and treated as some sort of prude. I don't swear often (I do if I'm mad, but even then, I try not to), I don't watch rated R movies and I don't shop/go out on Sundays (I eat at restaurants on Sundays if I'm travelling but when I'm home I don't.) I even get singled out in Utah where there's lots of Mormons believe it or not. I hate having that label because people treat me like there's something wrong with me. Even if they like me. And I hate it when people will say "Oh I won't swear because you're here" or anything like that because I'd rather have people to choose for themselves not to swear then just stop swearing because I'm around. I don't want people to temporarily change because I'm in the room. Because of these feelings, I've lowering my standards on many ocassions just so I wouldn't look like I was a "Molly Mormon". I regret doing so because I tried to impress the wrong people. So now, I really try not to care.

7. I love a LOT of artists that most people would consider as their guilty pleasures. Mostly tweeny-bopper artists such as Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Backstreet Boys, Wham!, etc. The only one one I don't love is Justin Bieber. I've honestly never been a fan of him. He has a few good songs, but for the most part, He's overrated to me. But anyway, I don't care if they're embarrassing. If it's a good song to me, then I like it and I don't feel the need to have to hide it.

8. I only watch comedy TV shows. Every now and then I watch a different genre, but they're either too dramatic for me or boring. Comedies always put a smile on my face and there's a lot of truth in them which is why I laugh at them. A lot of shows poke fun at things in real life and it's really enjoyable to watch. I love having a good laugh and I don't get tired of it even though my body hurts from laughing after a while.

9. I would love to work for Disney. Everything they stand for is happy, memorable and imaginative. I've personally met people who worked/work for Disney and they LOVE it! It sounds like such a dream come true! I would especially like to be the voice of princess or a play a princess in Disneyland or Disney World because I love singing and looking pretty and having little girls look up to me as some kind of hero would be truly amazing. I may be Disney crazy because I happen to share a birthday with Walt Disney himself (December 5).

10. I haven't done any acting in 3 years and I REALLY miss it! Theater has always been such a fun experience for me and if my life wasn't so busy, I would definitely get back into acting. If I ever did get back into acting, my dream would be to play Millie Dilmount, main character of the musical "Thoroughly Modern Millie". She is the character I relate to the most and her songs are exactly my range and style. I would just need to learn how to tap dance better. I unfortunately am NOT a very good dancer. I've found my body wasn't made to do so.

11. Like most girls, I care a lot about how I look. It's something we're taught not to worry about, but most of us do. I feel self-concious because I see girls, including my friends, who look so much prettier than me and I often wish that I could match their looks. I want to look like my own person, but I want to have a look that makes people say, "Oh gosh she's HOT!!" I don't think I'm super ugly or anything. I just want to look incredible. I've gained a little weight since high school and losing it has been a challenge. I'm not obese or anything but I want to be able to wear size small shirts and not see fat rolls every time I sit down.

12. The biggest thing I want in life right now is to be a mom. I often picture myself holding my own baby that I brought to the Earth and imagine taking care of it and loving it and teaching them to be a great person. Some of you know about my tragedy back in April this year, and it hurt but I've learned that there's still hope for me. Just because it isn't time for me to be a mom now doesn't mean I never will be. I can't wait until that day.

13. I like to flirt and I've flirted in the past but I'm TERRIFIED of guys flirting with me. It absolutely freaks me out! It's usually because the guys that flirt with me are people I'm not interested in and I don't want to hurt their feelings by saying I'm not interested. Plus, they're OFTEN creepy. Some girls like having attention from guys even though they don't like them like that but I DO NOT. Being married has made this problem go away a lot more, but it still ocassionally happens and I HATE it!

14. I consider myself a social person and I don't have trouble talking to people, but I consider myself to be shy because I struggle with connecting to people. I know I'm kind of weird and I often will not know what to say in a coversation. I don't like to blab about myself too much because I don't want to seem like I only care about myself and I'm interested in knowing the person I'm talking to. I'm often quiet and don't hang out with people all the time due to my shyness but I've been trying to change that lately because I want to be peoples's friend and have them be comfortable around me and vice versa. I also sometimes feel like some people are only in my life just because they're friends with someone I'm close to. I want people to like and know me without a peron I'm linked to.

15. I wish I was a convert to the LDS Church. I know several converts including my husband and my dad and their stories are incredible and it's really made their faith and my faith so strong. I wish I had the same power they do to inspire people to join our church or come back to it. Being a member my whole life doesn't really give me experience of not knowing what it's like to be without the Gospel so how can I inspire in that way?